I Speak Dog
by Scarlet Phlame
Summary: Rose and the Doctor get stuck back at home in London while the TARDIS refuels. The two get dragged along with Jackie to a little girl's birthday party. ONESHOT. (I own nothing.)


"We're back home," Rose said, dismayed, as she opened the TARDIS door.

"Refueling," the Doctor said. "Shouldn't take long."

"How long?" Rose asked.

"Just a day or so," the Doctor said.

"Right, good. So we can go see my mum then," Rose said.

"I'll just... Wait in the TARDIS," the Doctor said.

"No, you don't, you're coming with me," Rose said, grabbing his arm and dragging him towards the flat.

* * *

"How did I get dragged into this?" the Doctor groaned. "And that's quite literally."

"Not my fault!" Rose said. "I didn't think it was today!"

Upon entering the apartment, the two had found Jackie preparing for a birthday party, specifically one of her friend's niece's parties, by the name of Maria. Who, as it turned out, was evil incarnate packaged in a little blond girl with pigtails and a frilly pink dress. Maria was a bratty, incessant, whiny little girl.

"At first, I thought she was nice," the Doctor mumbled. "But then she opened her mouth."

"Right 'lil terror she is," Rose said coldly.

"Oh, be fair," the Doctor said. "She's only just learned to tie her shoelaces." Rose giggled.

"But, really. She once broke a Lifeproof case. Those things are water, fire, snow, and electricity proof," Rose said, shaking her head.

"Maybe it wasn't Maria-proof," the Doctor said.

"Look at us, making fun of a little girl," Rose said.

"Yeah," the Doctor agreed. "She can't help being evil."

"Hello!" Maria's mother said. "Welcome to my very special Maria's birthday party!"

There was a scattered applause and Maria's mother continued to smile like a Barbie.

"Maria is turning nine today! Happy birthday, Maria!" She bent over and handed Maria a rather large box that appeared to be very heavy.

And fragile.

Maria eagerly grabbed the box, dropped it on the ground roughly, nearly tore it apart, then-

Froze.

"Moooooommmmmmmmmmmmmm!" she shrieked, livid. "This is the wrong kind of dog! I wanted a poodle!"

A hush fell across the guests.

"This is a poodle," her mother said quickly. "A type of poodle. He's called a Labradoodle. They're much more friendly than poodles."

"HE?!" Maria shrieked. "I wanted a girl!"

"Wow," the Doctor said.

"This is normal for her," Rose said. "Last year she got a fish."

"Where's the fish now?" the Doctor asked.

"Dead," Rose said. "She kept on taking it out of the tank to pet it."

"Oh," the Doctor said, watching Maria storm off the stage, the puppy bounding after her. He waited until the crowd dissipated, then he stood.

"I have an idea," he said, clutching hold of Rose's hand and leading her over to Maria, who was currently sulking.

"Hey, Maria," the Doctor said. She scrunched up her nose.

"Who are you?" He waved.

"I'm the Doctor and this is Rose!" the Doctor said.

Maria scoffed.

"That's a lovely dog you have there," the Doctor said. "What's his name?"

"He doesn't deserve a name," Maria said.

"Really?" the Doctor asked, crouching over to the dog. "Maria, Ginger says he has a name."

"Ginger? Who's Ginger?" Maria asked.

"The dog, of course," the Doctor said.

"He's MY DOG!" Maria shouted. "You can't name him!"

Rose giggled.

"I didn't name him, that's his name," the Doctor said. "I speak dog."

Maria looked at him like he was crazy. Which he was.

"Fine, what does he say?" Maria asked.

"He says you look funny," the Doctor said, turning his attention to the dog. "That's very rude, you know."

To their surprise, the dog barked back, as if it was responding.

"He apologizes," the Doctor said. Maria's mouth was agape. "Go shake Maria's hand," he said.

Ginger trotted over to Maria and held out a paw.

Maria squealed, delighted. "Will he talk to me?" the Doctor shrugged.

"Maybe, but you have to be very nice," he said. "He has to be your best friend."

Rose suppressed a chuckle as Maria picked up the dog and pet it tenderly.

The Doctor sauntered away, Rose following suit.

"Did he really talk to you?" She asked.

"Yeah," the Doctor said. "But, gees. Dogs are such a bore. Bones and digging are all they ever talk about! Ginger was polite, at least."

Rose rolled her eyes. "I think you're making it up."

"Whatever you say," the Doctor said with a smile.


End file.
